Friday, 7 June 2013

Mostly

So, the trauma of turning 40 last year
has caused me to do some in-depth self-evaluation.
In my previous post, (which also happens to be my first post!) I mentioned that I liked who I am. Mostly.
And mostly, I do. But there are some things I don't like.
So, here is the thing I like least about myself.
 The, "If I could change one thing about myself, this is what it would be".
Laziness.
It's a hard thing to admit about one's self. But, it's true.
I lack motivation. I lack follow-through. I cannot prioritize.
I loathe "get the yucky work done first so I can relax and enjoy the fun stuff after".
I am easily overwhelmed. (Which happens a lot because I cannot prioritize and because I loathe "get the yucky work done first so I can relax and enjoy the fun stuff after".) I am very bad at time management.
 I am so NOT task oriented. I am the world's GREATEST procrastinator.
I
am
 lazy.
But..... this is something that I have decided that I can learn to change. I don't have to stay this way. After all...... I am a 41(almost) year old woman! And I have decided to become "less" lazy.
I actually googled "how to stop being lazy" and I found this article.
 It's kinda funny and yet, for me, some of the thoughts are surprisingly accurate.

http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Being-Lazy

Like...
"If you have a lot to do, it can be so overwhelming that you end up doing nothing."
This is so me!

"Pick your projects carefully. Again, you don't want to overwhelm yourself into lethargy. Pick one or two things to focus on and fully devote yourself to those tasks. You don't want to spread yourself too thin." I am going to try this!

And this is another good one for me to practice.....
"Eliminate your procrastination stops. Know what you spend time procrastinating with and take action to remove it.




 I think maybe, that for me, at least, laziness is an attitude. Just go with me for a moment. Laziness is NOT a disease. (Although some people may disagree with that.) And it is not something I was BORN with. It is not a chemical imbalance in my brain. (Although I have sometimes wondered about that!) While I believe that some people have "tendencies toward laziness", (me) I don't think I can use that as an excuse. While I would much rather watch T.V. for a large portion of the day, and let the bathroom sit and fester in it's own filth, (not that I have EVER done that!) I realize that that brings absolutely no satisfaction. I loathe cleaning the bathroom, and I do put off cleaning it until the very last minute. But every once in while I get in these moods where I'm feeling motivated and I actually clean the bathroom. And it always feels so good to have it done! The thing is, those days that I'm feeling motivated, I tend to have a rather large amount, of good attitude. And those are the days I tend to be extremely productive.
For me, productivity does not just refer to completing household chores, or "work". It refers to things like practicing guitar so I can become a better player. It refers to writing that letter that I know I should write. It refers to baking those cookies for the lonely neighbour across the street. And going for coffee with a friend I haven't spent time with for a while. It's walking my dog. And taking time to talk with my kids about how their day went. It's listening to my husband. I mean really listening. It's doing the things that matter to me. It is not important that my home be spotless, but it is important that it be clean......after all, the people who are most important to me live here. And in all honesty, as much I enjoy watching T.V., I wouldn't say that it matters to me. And my actions should reflect that.
The thing about laziness is that, it leads to feelings of emptiness. It leads to feelings of worthlessness. I need to have fulfillment in my life. And worth. And purpose. Without a sense of purpose I am like a "wave tossed in the ocean, a vapour in the wind". Now I'm not saying that doing all of the productive things I mentioned in the previous paragraph are going to provide fulfillment, worth, and purpose. I could do all of those things and still be left feeling empty. For there is only One place where I will find true worth. But, doing all of those things to the glory of the One who made me brings heaps of fulfillment!

You know what the best part of blogging this post has been for me? I have sorted my thoughts, and written it down in what I hope is some semblance of order, and as I read over it, it makes so much sense to me.
Wow! I am really smart! (Be quiet, Richard!)
So here's the thing.
I realize that I am in charge of my own attitude.
Yes, sometimes rotten things happen. But I choose how I am going to let those things affect me. And there are days when I just don't feel like doing anything, but I choose whether or not to act on those feelings. And some days are easier than others for me to make the choice not to be lazy. But in the end, it is up to me. I choose.
And I will choose to be less lazy. 
Practice makes perfect, right? :)