Tuesday, 23 July 2013

That used to be me.....

A little while back when our family was heading home from the Calgary Stampede, we drove past a couple making their way down the sidewalk. Like all good Calgarians, they were dressed up in their cowboy gear to celebrate the Stampede.
 I watched them as we drove past.
She was two-stepping along the sidewalk. And I thought,
"That used to be me."
Here was a girl who like two-stepping. She liked it enough that she didn't keep it to the dance floor. She chose to two-step along the busiest street in the city. It didn't bother her that she was two-stepping on the sidewalk where everybody could see her. She wasn't worried about people thinking she was strange for two-stepping there. She liked it enough that even though the guy with her was not into sidewalk two-stepping, she chose to do it anyway.
Because she liked two-stepping.
And she didn't care what anyone else thought about it.
She didn't stop to wonder if other people might think she was strange.
Or immature. Or silly.
She just two-stepped.
And who knows what the rest of her day looked liked. Maybe she had a fabulous day at work. Maybe her man brought her flowers when he came home, just because. And maybe her kids were absolutely wonderful to each other. And maybe she had cooked the best dinner ever!
But maybe she had had an absolutely terrible day. Maybe the woman she works with is awful. Maybe she burnt dinner. Maybe her kids fought with each other all day!
Maybe her man forgot her birthday! 

(Wait a minute....scratch that. It is not physically possible to two-step on the sidewalk
if your man forgets your birthday!!!)

And yet, there she was, two-stepping down that sidewalk.
And you know? I thought she looked happy.
And beautiful.......just dancing there all by herself,
 along that sidewalk with no inhibitions.
I thought she looked alive.
And that used to be me.
Not the two-stepping part.....(I couldn't two-step to save my life!) but the living without any inhibitions part.
Somewhere along the line, I think I may have confused growing up and acting mature, with letting go of a part of who I am. I think I have gotten so caught up with getting through each day, that I have forgotten to live each day.
I worry to much about things. And I fill up my day with stuff that doesn't count. I don't spend enough time living with the people I love.
I have forgotten how to really enjoy life.
Don't get me wrong, I do know how to have fun! But those times are too few, and too far between. And I so often wait for fun to be scheduled in. I forget that I can have fun in the spur of the moment. 
 I used to sing along with the radio at the top of my lungs. I haven't done that in such a long time because I am afraid that the other drivers would think I was crazy.

Since when did I care about people thinking I was crazy!!!!

I forgot that I actually like to sing in the shower. I forgot that I like to bake cookies. I forgot that I like to stop in at the pet store just to look at the kittens. 
How could I forget that!?!

I turned 40 last year. And the months leading up to it were difficult. I didn't want to be in my 40's. I felt like life had passed me by. But I made it. Life did not end. And since then, I have been making an effort to be the person I was created to be. It is not always easy. But I'm getting there. Right now, I am 41 years old young. :)  
  I want to be able to experience life, at least a little, every day.  I want to live every day......in as many moments as I can.

There are times when life offers you beautifully unexpected moments. Moments that take your breath away.

But sometimes, you have to take advantage of the little tiny moments. And I believe that those moments come along a whole lot more often. And they, too are beautiful.

 I know life is busy. And I know that it is sometimes painful. I live in the real world.
But I also know that if I really wanted too,
I could two-step on the sidewalk.