Wednesday, 20 November 2013

How to make Toblerone Shortbread Cookies

I'm guessing that most of you  reading this right now are thinking,
How hard can it be to make a batch of shortbread cookies with chopped Toblerone chocolate in it?"
But let me set you straight right now. If you aren't making them like this,
 then you are doing it WRONG!
What most of you don't realize is that there are certain guidelines that must be followed when making these cookies for Christmas. One does not just decide,
"I think I will whip up a batch of Toblerone Shortbread today."
No, baking these special Christmas treats, takes a bit more preparation.
But, fret not!
 At 41 years of age, I have finally discovered the perfect way to make them! :)
The very first thing you need to do to bake these cookies, is to place your Bing Crosby Christmas CD in the CD player. Please make sure you have the volume turned up as loud as possible without blowing the speakers. After you have listened to the first few strains of "Let It Snow" while clapping your hands and bouncing on your heals for a few seconds, you will then need to haul out ALL of the Christmas decorations from the storage room. (Or where-ever it is that you store your Christmas decorations for the ten months of the year that they are not being displayed.) Once you have ALL of the decorations out and placed in the middle of the living room, you may begin opening the boxes. It is very important that while you open the boxes, you squeal with delight as you see once again, the beautiful decorations that you had forgotten you owned. Now, while this is not a requirement, you may talk to yourself (or to the ornaments themselves) about how wonderful and beautiful they are. (While I have no proof of this, I do believe that it makes for a much lighter cookie.)
Once you have a significant amount of the ornaments out of their boxes and placed on the coffee table, dining room table, the floor, and whatever available space you have, you will now start decorating. If you have a fireplace mantel, that is where you should begin. Now, remember, a beautifully decorated mantel does not just appear in a few minutes. You need to be able to re-arrange things a little (or a lot) to find the exact placement your ornaments prefer.
 Give yourself 2-3 hours to get it just right.
Trust me, it IS worth it!
 Once you have the mantel perfectly arranged, (don't be alarmed if you feel the need to re-arrange things at a later date. Sometimes Christmas ornaments change their minds about where they want to be.) you will need to artfully swag your garlands and lights (clear is best, but colored will work as well) on the bannister. Once your fore-arms and hands are significantly scratched and itchy, they are ready for whatever ornaments you would like to add as the finishing touches.
The next step is to arrange and re-arrange the majority of your Christmas decorations around the house.

At this point you may begin to feel discouraged and overwhelmed. It is important that you understand, this does not have to be done all in one day. Take your time. It is best to spread this process out over a week or so. Just leave all of the boxes and decorations out until you are completely satisfied with your work.
(This may be extremely irritating to your family members, and especially to your husband, but if he really loves you, he will only complain a little.) 
Now, you must decorate the tree.

 DO NOT attempt to decorate the tree before having the rest of your home at least 75% decked out for the holidays, as this will affect the length of time you will need to bake the Shortbreads.
Also, during the few weeks decorating period, you must listen to Christmas music. Bing and Harry (yes, we are now on a first name basis) must be included,
but feel free to add whoever else you choose.
Once the tree is completed, you will need to get whatever empty boxes you have stored back in the storage room. (Or where-ever it is that you store your Christmas decorations for the ten months of the year that they are not being displayed.) It is also very important that your home is mostly clean. Clean sheets on the bed are critical, (I'm not actually sure why this is so important, but it is.) and it is also a good idea to have at least one clean bathroom. (But two is better.)
Ok. We are now getting down to the wire.
You must make sure that all of the Christmas lights are plugged in. It doesn't matter if you can't see the bannister lights from the kitchen, they must still be on. Again, you must place your "Bing" Christmas CD in the CD player, making sure you have the volume turned up as loud as possible without blowing the speakers.
You will now need - a pound of butter at room temperature.
3/4 cup of icing sugar
1/2 cup of cornstarch
3 1/2 cups of flour
3 2 Toblerone chocolate bars
Place the butter in your electric mixer and start whipping it.
Add the icing sugar and blend.
Next add the cornstarch and flour to the mixture. Be sure to start blending on low speed otherwise you will end up with flour all over the kitchen and yourself.
 (Not that I have ever done that.)
After the ingredients are blended together, turn up the speed and whip the snot out it!
Once you are satisfied with the consistency, (about 5 minutes) you will need to chop up your Toblerone.
While you are chopping the chocolate, do not eat even one piece of it! Because you were to cheap to buy three bars and only bought two, you will need every last morsel. If you drop a piece on the floor, quickly pick it up and drop it into the bowl. (Unless Gordon Ramsey is in your kitchen. If Gordon Ramsey is in your kitchen and you use food that you have dropped on the floor, he will scream at you and call you a stupid donkey, and nobody wants to hear that!)
Mix the chocolate into the cookie batter.
Spoon out large rounded teaspoons of batter onto a parchment lined baking sheet, and place in pre-heated 325 degree oven. Bake for 15 - 20 minutes. Do not forget to set the timer, because if you do, you will loose track of how long the cookies have been in the oven and will need to open the oven door every two or three minutes to check to see if they are done, and that is a pain in the butt! (Not that I have ever done that!)
Once you have successfully completed baking all of the cookies, you have a choice of whether or not you would like to clean the kitchen. On the one hand, it is very nice to look at those beautiful cookies on the counter in a clean kitchen, but there is also something to be said for allowing your family to see, and understand, the great efforts you went to make these delicious cookies for Christmas. 
Now, before you place the entire batch of cookies in the freezer to keep for Christmas, you must make a sacrifice and keep one cookie for each member of your family.
 You, however, must not eat any of the cookies. They are for Christmas, after all,
 and you will need every last one......
.....unless of course, you break a cookie by accidently flicking it off the spatula while transferring it to the cooling rack, or perhaps accidently sticking your finger in the centre of one. If this were to happen, you should carefully put the cookie on a plate, as it will be extra crumbly while it is still warm. After you eat all the pieces of broken cookie, it is a good idea to press your tongue onto the plate over and over to pick up any of the remaining crumbs. Waste not, want not, they say! :)
Place your cookies in single layers between sheets of wax paper in a Christmas tin.
And there you have it!
You have successfully made a perfectly beautiful batch of
 Toblerone Shortbread Cookies!
Good for you!