Thursday, 30 June 2016

An update on my 6 Fast

So look.
This 6 Fast is starting to feel a little uncomfortable.

Up until recently, it hasn't been all that difficult.
I've stayed well within my limitations, with relative ease.

And I've even felt kinda "spiritual" about it.
You know......
like I'm being all obedient,
and God has got to be pleased with my efforts,
and at some point I'm going to be blessed for my sacrifice,
because that's what God does for His good children........
Don't laugh.
I've tried not to think like that.
I've berated myself,
and even repented,
for thinking like that.
But, that's the honest truth.
I'm not as spiritual as I would like.

now this fast is starting to itch a little.
And I have to be completely honest.
It feels kind of stupid.
And dumb.
And pointless.

When I started this Fast in January, 
while it was difficult to make the commitment,
I was pretty excited.
Nervous, but excited.
Now it just feels like a pain in the butt.
And I don't want to do it anymore.
I just really want to go shopping.
I want a new pair of white skinny jeans.
And a new denim jacket.
I want a leather bracelet.
And a maxi dress.
I want new T-shirts.
And tank tops.
And a couple of sweaters.
And a hoodie.
And cute sweat pants.
So dumb!!!!!!
I have a very limited number of things I can buy in the next 6 months.
And a lot of things I want.
But, obviously, I will not be able to buy them all.
So, I have to make due with the things I have.
And to top it all off, I've somehow managed to lose one of my favourite bracelets.
And an ear-ring.
I lost my water bottle.
And, I lost a sweater!!!!
I mean seriously! 
How does a 44 year old woman, on a very strict buying fast,
manage to lose a sweater?!?
And, do I count my new water bottle as one of my items?
I mean, it is a personal item. 
No one else uses it.
But, it doesn't really fall under the limitations of the "6 personal clothing items" 
that I laid out at the beginning of the year.
I just don't know......

I bought a sleeveless top. 
But I'm not sure I love it.
But, I've worn it, so I can't return it, and now it counts as one of my items.

So now, I'm down to only 4 more items left that I can buy.
3, if I count my water bottle.
Do I count my water bottle????
This stinks.
And, on top of that,
I was using an electric lint remover to get rid of those little pills that develop on clothes after they've been worn for a while,  on one of my favourite T-shirts,
and the blasted thing put a little hole in it!
That has never, ever happened before! Like, EVER!
I figured, WHATEVER!!!
I will have to wear it still,
since I can only buy 4 (or maybe 3) more items......
So, I kept cleaning up the T-shirt, and wouldn't you know it?!?
It put ANOTHER hole in it!!!!!!!



I want to quit.

But, I won't.

I guess this is where the rubber hits the road.
This is where I pull up my socks.
I will get a mitt, and get in the game.
I'm putting on my big girl pants. 
(Actually, I think the saying is big girl "panties", but I'm not sure if saying "panties" is inappropriate or not, so I'm saying big girl "pants".)
(Sorry......this is how my brain works.)

Right from the start, I knew this wouldn't be easy.
I'm grateful for the 6 month "break in" period.
And while I'm very nervous, 
maybe even a little apprehensive, about the next 6 months, 
I will be grateful for these as well.
But, I think it's going to hurt.

To quote my wise friend, Michelle,
"It's not surrender/sacrifice if it doesn't hurt."
Thanks, Michelle.
Those words have been forever burned in my brain......  /:

I am being called to surrender.

I want to look different.
I want to look like Jesus.

Less of me.
More of You.

I have only one question.

Do I count my water bottle?????

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