Thursday, 18 August 2016

The Bieber Pants

For those of you who are not aware,
I am on a self-imposed, limited buying regime.
I've been referring to it as my 6 Fast.
I'm purchasing only 6 personal clothing/accessory items,
And only 6 decorative, household items for a year.
If you want to know what in heck that is all about, click here.

So far, I have purchased 3 household items,
And 4 clothing items.

I have 41/2 months to go.

So, I feel like I am on track, here.
Not that it has been easy.

I have agonized over whether or not certain items should be included.
Eg.... the water bottle.

I really evaluate each purchase I make.
I haven't bought one item on a whim.

Each purchase has been previously thought out.
I have list of clothing items that I want.
They total more than 6, let me tell you.
So, I am prioritizing these items.
But it's awfully hard to prioritize.......
In my entire life, shopping has never been this stressful.
It is ridiculous the amount of time I spend holding an item in my hand,
wondering whether or not I should buy it.
It's painful.
I'm so afraid of making a decision, and then regretting it.
I'm afraid of buyers remorse.
But, things can usually be returned, so, there's that.

As long as you don't wear them.
Most of the items I've purchased have sat in my closet for a week or two before I've worn them,
so that I really think about whether or not I will keep it.
It's worked great!

Except for one item....

I bought a pair of sweat pants last week.
You are probably wondering why I would use up an item on sweat pants.
I like to be comfortable, people.
But, I also like to look cute, you know?
So, I was very careful in choosing my sweat pants.
I tried on different styles and sizes so I could see which ones looked the best,
but were also super comfortable to wear.
I finally settled on a pair that I was pretty confident in.

I bought them.

I wore them the very next day.
I went to visit my girl friend for coffee.
She thought they were super cute as well.

The day warmed up and I changed into shorts.
So, I'd only worn them for the morning.

The next day was kinda cool, so,
yup, on go the sweat pants.

I wore them pretty much all day.

And look, I hate to say this, but,
I wore them again the next day.
They are super comfortable, ok?

Now, herein lies the problem.

They are kind of stretching out of shape. the butt.

Whatever, you know?
It doesn't really bother me.
They're sweat pants after all.
Meant for lounging around in.
(And sweating in, of course, except, I don't sweat in them.)
And like I said earlier, they are super comfortable.

My husband does not like them.
Actually, he hates them.

He told me so.
"I hate those on you," he said.

"They're not that bad," I replied.

"You look like you just pooped your pants."

"What?!? I do not! I do not look like I just pooped my pants!"

"Ah, yeah you do."

"Shut up! I do not!"
Now I'm standing in front of our full length mirror in the living room.

My daughter decides to add in her unsolicited opinion.
"Actually mom, you do look like you just pooped your pants."

Nobody even asked you for your opinion!!!
(Opinionated, 14-year-old, know-it-all.)

I'm turning from side to side in the mirror now.
Staring at my backside.


I do look like I just pooped my pants.
Like, I really do.
I look like Justin Bieber.
Well now, isn't that great.
This is tragic.
This is a tragedy!
I actually look like I'm wearing something that Justin Bieber would wear.
I'm wearing Justin Bieber pants!

So what.
I can still wear them.
They're just sweat pants, after all.
Not meant to look sexy or anything.
Just to be comfortable in.
(Or to actually sweat in, if you're so inclined. I am not.)
So, I will still wear them.

"Well, look, Jay, they are not that bad, I lie."
(I have lied to my husband again.)

"Mel, they ARE that bad! They are UGLY!"

Jason really hates these sweat pants on me.
Like, REALLY HATES them.

He despises them.
Loathes them.
Abhors them.

They disgust him.
Revile him.
Repel him.

"Look, Mel, I can't even look at you in those pants."

"Well, then, shut your eyes!"
(Yes, I actually told him to shut his eyes.)

"I am NOT going to shut my eyes! Good grief! Just don't wear those pants around me! Ok?
I won't even be able to touch you when you wear those pants!"

So, um......
I think he actually meant that as a threat.

I need to be honest here.
When he said that, 
I giggled inside.
Not out loud, of course.
But on the inside.

"Really?" I think.
Good to know. Good to know.
(I am a terrible wife.)

Here's the sad thing.
I wasted one of my 6 items on ugly sweat pants,
That make me look like I just pooped my pants.
like Justin Bieber.

This is awful.
This is where the agony of shopping rears it's ugly head.
The next time I go, it will be worse.


It's just a pair of sweat pants.
I will wash them, even though they are not dirty,
And perhaps they will shrink in the butt area.

And if not, 
I will wear them during the day when Jason is at work,
And change before he comes home.

Unless, of course, I have a headache.